fucking hell guys. I think its maybe because I have actually been happy? well happier anyway. But I am so scared that that is going to come crashing down. Its winter and that means my body goes into meltdown and I can’t leave the house most days, forexample as I type this I can hardly breath and my throat feels as if I have swallowed razors. The weather really affects my mood as well.

So much stuff has happened reacently and I have kind of been embarrassed to write about it. I have been sleeping with this guy who actually doesnt give a shit and I dont know how I feel about the whole thing :S I dont know if I like him or if I just like the idea of being desired for a little bit. Sex is complicated when there are feelings (however unknown) involved. This is why I only wanted one night stands.

can someone make this happen?

also my anxiety is really bad atm so i cant reply / read any messages.

promise i am not ignoring you or being a dick. i love you i am just having a hard time being social… its weird. i will as soon as i can i promise.

HATE MY LIFE.

i am teaching myself to lucid dream so i can imagine having sex with celebrities?

so far i have managed to dream i was driving in a car chase with Russell Brand and thats about it.

i will be failing my alevels for the second time on thursday.

what is the actual point?

me: not going to cut this summer.

me: oh hello kitchen knife.

me: not going to cut AGAIN this summer.

me: how did you get there Mr razor?

me: long sleeves it is.

oh my god.

doubt i will get it but fucking hell the thought of having money for the first time in my life is amazing. plus it pays weekly. now all i have to do is manage to get out of bed … which may be harder than i imagined.

brilliant idea florence :| why do i do this everytime?

looking at pictures of self harm, reading about feminism and following people addicted to crystal meth and heroin … i wonder what that says about my personality.

i am not ignoring you i am just finding comunicating hard at the moment. its hard to explane its to do with my anxiety and other stupid stuff like that. i promise i have read them all and i will respond when i am feeling better. i love you all i am just in a shit place … as per :| hopefully soon. i really love everyone who bothers to send me stuff, i am doing this to my IRL friends atm aswell.

arghhhhhh FML